May 15, 2012

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

I saw this on Oh the lovely things blog (and I think it started here) - and I felt a ring of truth to it...and I liked the general idea behind it all. It’s true, blog Kassie and real life Kassie aren’t necessarily the same person. I mean, I’m not drastically different (I don’t think?), but I’m definitely an edited down...or censored version of myself on my blog. I choose my words carefully as not to offend people and I stay away from any sort of touchy subject so I don’t alienate or make any readers feel uncomfortable. While, in some ways I don’t see anything wrong with other ways I think....wait, what? Why am I doing that? You see, I’m supposed to be blogging for myself, because it’s something I enjoy. And while one of the big things I enjoy is connecting with other people, how real of a connection is it if I’m not really being myself?

So, I’m going to share some things that I have been afraid to tell you - afraid for the reasons above and also because hey, this is the internet where ANYONE can read it. A couple of these things I actually wrote up a post about, but never hit publish.  I figure now is as good as time as any.

Things I’m afraid to tell you...

1. I have HPV (human papillomavirus). I generally don’t share this information, because well it’s personal and because people assume crazy shit. Please educate yourself before passing too much judgement. HPV is extremely common and often doesn’t show any symptoms (which is why it’s so common, just gets passed along unknowingly). One reason I’m sharing this today is for other woman. Other woman who have it...or who don’t. Please ladies, stay up on your yearly check ups! While HPV is often no biggie, in some cases it can cause cervical cancer. I personally have already had surgery once (3 years ago) for prevention measures and I recently had a second biopsy to see if I need it again. It is a slow growing cancer, so as long as you stay up to date on your check ups you should be able to catch anything unusual!  For the record, I'm definitely no expert, but if anyone is dealing with this (or just has questions) and wants to talk my door (email) is always open!

2. Sometimes I throw myself little pity parties (in my mind, not literally...ha). I know there are people out there have it so much worse, but sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in our own lives. Things are just not ideal...I live on an really tight budget (which people never understand since I have a decent paying job) because of my INSANE school debt. I live far away from my family for a job I don’t even like. Yea then there’s that. I spend the majority of my days doing a job that...well is not my passion. I’m sure lots of other people are in the same boat, but when I see people who actually enjoy their jobs (my boyfriend) it frustrates me that I have one I don’t care about. And yes the logical thing would be to change that, but due to the financial situation mentioned I just can’t do that. Blagh. See, stupid pity party. And it’s over...NOW. I just have to stop and remind myself of all the wonderful things I have in life (family, friends, Brian!) and then it puts everything into perspective. :)

3. I don’t want kids, which I have told you all before. But what I haven’t told you is that I secretly detest when people don’t get it. When they get all bent out of shape about it OR (this is the worst) they don’t take me seriously. They say something like oh, yea sure...just wait Kassie, you’ll want kids in a few years. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does - because I feel like I'm being judged.  So, here it is in plain english...I just don’t like the idea of being a mother.  It's not that I dislike children, I mean I don't ooo and ahh over them like lots of people do, but I like them enough when they are around...and well behaved...and go home after a few hours.  But to the point - kids are a time-suck, energy-suck, money-suck, and sanity-suck. If you want children, that’s fine by me. But when I tell you I don’t, don’t look at me like I’m the crazy one. Besides,I have a fur-child...and that works out just fine for me. (go ahead parents, do the eye roll, I know you want to! LOL :P)

4. I’m an atheist. I think I’ve said this out loud maybe twice in my life. It's really hard for me to even admit to myself, mainly because I worry it will be upsetting (and possibly hurtful) for some people who care about me, but it’s the truth. It’s frustrating that I have to listen to people talk about religion all the time (at work! which I find insane and incredibly inappropriate!), but as soon as it becomes known that I don’t share the same beliefs it’s like...idk. TABOO. If someone expects me to accept their beliefs than they should be willing to accept mine, no? In any case, I’ve decided I’m going to try to not hide this tidbit about myself. I mean I’m not going to go crazy and scream it from the rooftops, but if someone asks or it comes up I will be honest. I would like to add, I have nothing against Christians or other religious long as you aren’t bringing harm to anyone. Just because we don’t believe the exact same things doesn’t mean we can’t get along just fine.

5. Last but not least...well maybe least, ha. I’m quitting the 30 for 30 challenge. I enjoyed it this time more than last time, but I’m so busy (read: stressed out) with packing and moving right now that I just can’t deal with it. It takes too much planning and ...effort (ha) with the photos everyday and I just don’t have the time. I would like to say though I actually made it to outfit 15 (just didn't get them posted)!!

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