Found words...

Please take me into your arms
hold me until I struggle for release

don't release me.

I am yours forever.
I breathe in your love.
I drink in your lust.

take me as I am
take me as you please
I am desperate.

desperate for these miles to disappear
desperate to feel your lips on mine
desperate for your hands to roam my eager body

take me.

Kiss me hard
let our halves become one
and absorb me as I absorb you
don't leave me again lover
keep me forever.

[2008]
------------

I recently rediscovered my old DeviantArt account and I found this poem I wrote. Here's the thing, upon first reading it I thought ...I can't believe I wrote that. I was shocked at the ...intensity of it and, frankly, I think it's good, ha. I do know when I wrote it and who it was referencing. It makes me a bit sad, because at the time what I thought was passion, was really just intensity. I think that happens sometimes with love and desires. I wrestled with the idea of sharing this, because it does make me feel a little raw. It is a direct window into my mind and heart at that moment in my life. It makes me sorta feel like I just posted a nude photo of myself. HA! But, I'd like to tap into that sort of intense creativity again, because I feel like I've lost it. And on that note, I will share one more.

--------------

my mind relentlessly refuses my pleads.
focus. FOCUS! if only for a second.
I can't.
I give in.
my soul is wet with emotion.
I can't see       or breathe        or be
anything
It's everything and it's nothing
at once.
my mind is paralyzed by a scream.
a scream from my own abused tongue.
oh god, i gasp for a new life.


what's next?

[2006]
-----------

Hope you enjoyed my random Saturday post.

Have a good weekend. :)

Let's talk about love...

 Let’s talk about love. And marriage.

We were at our friend’s place the other night, our married friends. Some partying had been happening and I’m not sure how we got on the topic, but the wife made some comment about how getting married didn’t matter and it was just a waste of money (or something along those lines). Her reasoning was because nothing changes, so you might as well just stay a non-married couple. Her husband agreed, and chimed in and made a joke about the only thing that changed was he pays more of the bills (they keep separate accounts). However, they have only been married a year, so the husband also said well, maybe the tax cuts will make a difference, the wife agreed. [SIDE NOTE: I think the fact they both agree marriage hasn’t changed anything just proves they have a good one. :) personal opinion of course.]

I immediately tried to put the kibosh on this discussion as my boyfriend was sitting there and I hope one day he will be my husband. I’ve been assured by him in the past that he would like to get married at some point (who knows when that will be, lol), but even so part of me is concerned. But why?

Does marriage really matter in the long run? Would it make a difference either way?

I don’t know, but I do know I still want to get married. Blame society, blame the little girl in me, I don’t know, but I know I want it. I was contemplating this topic on my drive to work yesterday morning (an hour commute allows for plenty - too much? - thinking time!) and I came to the following conclusion.

A wedding is not meaningless. A marriage is definitely not meaningless. You may not feel them necessary for your life, but they are not meaningless.

I don’t need a big wedding, which is not a new thought. In fact, I’d love to just get married in someone’s back yard somewhere and have a big cook out, I think that sounds fantastic. So, the argument that it costs a lot of money doesn’t bother me. I mean sure it still won’t be super cheap, but I’m thrifty. Also, I want the party! Who wouldn’t? I agree that a relationship shouldn’t or doesn’t need to really change after a marriage. I don’t have expectations either way, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want the symbolic act of a ceremony. I think traditions are nice...and that’s kind of how I look at a wedding. It’s not religious for me at all or about tax breaks (although that’s a possible bonus, ha).

 It’s just about sharing the love.

Ultimately, love is a simple idea. I think. The act of loving can be more difficult I suppose, but it’s a simple idea. It’s joyous...and infectious (in a good way). I love Brian more than I could possibly explain. He makes me a better version of myself, I care about him and enjoy being with him. End of story. To me, getting married is a symbol of your commitment and love for one another. The actual wedding is a vehicle in which to share that love with others that you love! It’s the one day that your family and friends get to partake and share in the love you share with your partner. It may sound corny, but I think it’s a beautiful idea. And ultimately, it’s something that I would like to do.

What do you think? 
xoxo, kassie 

Last night is still ringing in my head...

"Last night is still ringing in my head like that lonesome whistle in the rain" - Ben Harper

That simple line carries so much weight.  It can mean so much.

website/facebook

Ben Harper...yum.  TMI?  I don't care.  Not only is this man uber sexy he's an amazing musician.  I love his voice and I love his sound.  I'm starting to realize one of my favorite styles of music is blues rock...or maybe that's not what's its called.  I haven't a clue, but I enjoy a bluesy vibe.

Oh, also did you know that he is married to that blonde chick from Jurassic park?  Laura Dern, or sorta married.  According to wiki they are having troubles, sorry Ben.  :/

I also really love the lyrics to his songs.  Amazing.

I'm tired, so stop reading my silly words and just enjoy.

If you asked me to name my top 5 favorites songs, that one would be in it.  In fact, I'd probably name it by #3.

I would rather find out who you are than who you're not. - Ben Harper


LOVE.

xo, kass

Latest Obsession: Lana Del Rey

Okay, so I’m back for good. I was contemplating not blogging anymore, BUT I changed my mind. I just have to remind myself to not feel guilty or stressed or bugged or whatever if I miss some posts here and there. And to help with that, I will be abolishing Music Mondays, Friday Fotos, etc etc. Well, not completely. I’ll probably still share music with you on some mondays (I am today!), and favorites/photos with you some fridays, but I’m also leaving those days open for whatever else I want...allowing the blog to morph and grow a bit. I like planning, but planning with a looser structure will be better for me. So, moving on... 

facebook/website

I just discovered Lana Del Rey last week. I was on Amazon and I think she popped up because of something else I’d bought or listened to, or I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t even care I’m just glad I found her. She’s a-ma-zing. I have been listening to her non stop, I literally listened to her new album 2-4 times everyday last week. I’m not even sure how to explain her sound. Mainly, because I’m not a music expert (ha), but also because it’s unique. Wiki uses the word “cinematic”. I think there’s a definite 60s/70s feel to her music. I’d also describe many of her songs as...haunting. Her lyrics are pretty great too. Enjoy.

Oh, and she’s gorgeous. 

Some videos for your viewing pleasure!

Weddings & Weightloss

 [this photo sums up the night! :)]

Two weekends ago, Brian’s sister got married! It was an awesome weekend and an awesome wedding! I had a blast hanging out with Brian’s niece/nephew and many cousins! I don’t know, I have such a small family that it’s fun being accepted into a much larger one. And talking about being accepted, Megan (Brian’s sis) actually put me in several of the wedding photos. Maybe I’m reading into it too much, but you don’t just put some random girl in your wedding photos. WHICH is why being included in them made me feel pretty awesome. It’s nice to be considered family...and not some random girlfriend. :P

Okay, moving forward to a different topic. Last Monday, I hopped on the scale and closed my eyes. I was completely dreading its response, because every time we are gone for a weekend all our hard work goes down the shitter. However, most likely due to all the tennis playing between events AND crazy ass dancing at the reception I seem to have lost more weight. Go me!! I’m going to go ahead and let things get real honest and give you a peek into my weightloss journey. Why? Because many of us have some sort of “weight loss/get healthy” story and I think it’s nice to share and know you’re not alone. So...

[see, bone-y chicah.  This is from senior prom, 2003.  Yes, I wore camo to my prom...ha]

I was always thin. Not because I didn’t eat. I mean I was picky, but that had nothing to do with it. I’m guessing it had to do with genetics (mom is thin, brother is a stick!) and just being an active kid. Then I got older, moved out and had a horrible diet like many college kids...oh and add the beer/booze. Ha, All that + less activities + a handful of break ups (why do girls result to eating then??) + slowing metabolism = chubby girl. My highest weight came after college when I first moved away AWAY from home. It was horrible. I was used to being able to eat whatever the hell I wanted without any visible consequences. The food fairy’s had finally had enough. I think my worst was in 2008/09 and I was 168-170. Gah. I’m only 5’4”, so that was just not good.

[Left: August 2008 around my highest weight;  Right:  July 2012, eating healthy stirfry and "Glamping"!]

Finally, I joined Weight Watchers Online and it worked! I lost about 18-20 lbs and kept it off for about a year or so. Then I gained some back, for the next few years I sort of hovered around 150, give or take a couple lbs. Then this year I thought enough is enough and I’ve finally reached ONE of my goals. I weigh under 140 lbs. 139.5 to be exact, ha! It feels really good and is actually pretty motivating. My final goal weight is 130, but really at this point (since I am in my healthy BMI) I just want to tone up the flab! And I know I'm not "skinny", but I don't think I ever want to be super thin like I used to.  I feel like I look healthy, and it suits me just fine!


Anyway, just sharing. :) I have a pretty extensive “Fitness” folder on pinterest if you are needing ideas or motivation for yourself!

So what’s your story? Have any great workout routines or moves you want to share?? :)

xo,kass

Friday Fotos: Senior Zach

My little bro is going to be a senior this year. Yikes. And, as I’m 10 years older than him I remember him as a baby...I mean I even changed diapers occasionally. It just makes me feel old, haha. Anyway, when the family came to town I took some senior photos for him. He was impatient and I was feeling rushed and the lighting was atrocious [blinding sun], but regardless of all this there are still a few I like. I figured I’d share those today and also inform you I plan on taking more for him [hopefully better ones] sometime this fall.

What a cutie,eh? Lol.  Anyway, I'm off to a fairly busy weekend.  Brian's BFF [lol, guys don't say that...] from highschool is coming to visit and we are celebrating Brian's birthday - which is in fact on Saturday!  He's going to be 28 [shhh, don't tell him I told you]!  Then on Sunday we are going to have an "English Breakfast" and watch the end of Wimbleton, woot!  Anyway...

Happy [early] Birthday Brian! Love You!

Have a great weekend everyone!

xo,kass

Foto Fridays!

Something new on the blog, yep! I’ve decided that some friday’s I’ll do my Friday Favs and others I will share some of my photos with you! This week I’ll be doing the latter as I’ve been hauling my camera out more lately. These photos are actually from a year ago, ha.  BUT I just got them uploaded to facebook and the ones I was planning on sharing aren't done being edited.  So yea, enjoy!

 All of these photos were taken at this house.  I had driven by it everytime I went to Brian's and thought it looked cool.  Eventually, I talked him into going there for some photos.  

Good thing too, because they tore it down!

being impatient silly

Is it just me or does this house belong in a horror film?

Oh and by the by, you can stalk my photography on facebook if you like. :)

xo, kass

Music Monday: The Toadies

I have to start out this post saying...I thought this band was broken up (the were for awhile), but apparently they got back together in 2006/2007 - well not all the original members, but still.  I literally JUST found this out.  Where the hell have I been?  I LOVED this band back in the day and still do.  Well, love their old music...I haven't listened to the new stuff, but you bet your ass I'm gonna!

Anyway, the lead singer, Todd Lewis, has a fantastically unique voice and I just love it.  If you've ever heard of the Toadies then you've probably heard the song Possum Kingdom, which yes is great, but I really love the song Tyler.  Now I won't lie to you and say the song isn't a little weird...people always ponder on what it's really about, but after some research I'm fairly certain it's about this window peeper/stalker that was in Tyler, Texas (which is near where the band is from).  Regardless, I still like this song.  The music is great and the lyrics make you think...and are kind of eerie.

Disclaimer:  I do not like this video.  The dude running around is hella distracting - and it's stupid.  BUT again, the song itself is great, so hit play and open facebook in another tab. :) 

{website/wiki/facebook}

Style Log: Purple, Orange and Schnoodles (six)

{Dress/f21 :: Cardi/kohl's :: Necklace/f21 :: Flats/payless}

Last night I started cleaning and such. I started in the garage...it was gross and terrifying.  I have lived in my duplex for 3 years now and have never cleaned out my garage.  Never.  So I had all these boxes out there from when I first moved in [most empty, but some had newspaper] and they had all sorts of dead bugs and what I think were spider eggs?  I know I could google it to find out, but it freaks me out too much to do that. Eck.

I swear the inside of my house is not as terrifying and gross...except for maybe the basement.

Out of sight, out of mind, amiright?  Anyway, if you all have any moving tips I will graciously accept them. :)

Another cool thing...I actually did my hair! Ha!  It's sort of falling out a bit here, but you get the gist. :P

I really just loved this outfit!  The two pieces fit so well together and I'm loving the colors...but not as much as I love my chubby adorable dog!!

Have a great day!!

Style Log: Lime & Navy Polka Dots...and big news(five)

{top/old navy :: cardi/thrifted :: pants/kohl's :: flats/payless}

 SO, I can finally tell you my good news!  

I'm moving in with Brian! :D

We've been looking for a place since forever (okay, since decemeber, but that's a long time!) and we've had zero luck.  First off there aren't a lot of options in small town USA and secondly I have a dog and people aren't to keen on having renters with pets...even though I'm an awesome tenant! That's actually the reason I couldn't mention this sooner, we were waiting for the okay on Theo.  Anyway, we crunched the numbers and it's actually cheaper if I just commute from his place...so that's what I'm going to do!

Now, the commute is going to be a bit rough (an hour), but it's not like an hour in traffic...it's an hour on a couple county black tops, lol.  I'm fine with the commute, but I've been getting a bit of judge-y reactions from people which is driving me CRAZY.  If you aren't going to be nice and/or supportive (or at least pretend to be), then just don't say anything at all!  For some reason, it's assumed I would like their opinion - when I would not.

Ack, this is getting negative.  Back to positive...Brian and I are taking the next step!

Yay for us!!  <3

Happy Monday

P.S. Oh by the by, did I mention that the Grace Potter & the Nocturnal's concert was AMAZING.  Cuz it was. :)

Music Monday!

Music plays a huge roll in my day to day and I'm always on the hunt for new{to me} bands.  I love how music can envoke very specific and sometimes very strong emotions, it's inspiring.  In any case, I thought I'd share a few of my current favorite bands. 

Mates of State

I've been in love with this band for the last couple of years, they are so good!  They are a husband-wife indie pop duo from the US.  They've been producing music as the Mates since 1996 and their most recent release was Mountaintops, last September.  Although, I think my favorite album is Re-Arrange Us!  They just have such an interesting and unique sound...gah!  Go ahead...listen and begin to fall in love! <3

Grace Potter & the Nocturnals

Ohmygosh, this is such a great band and I have such a huge girl crush on their awesome front girl! :P

"Grace Potter and the Nocturnals are like a modern-day version of Tina Turner stroking the microphone in a spangled mini-dress while fronting the Rolling Stones circa Sticky Fingers." via gracepotter.com

So true!  This band had such an awesome sound!  It's sort of a bluesy rock sound, when I first listen to the self named album all the way through I was surprised by the diversity.  Soooo great! :)

This is a really cool, special, acoustic version of my favorite song!


Old Crow Medicine Show

Another great band!  They have a folksy rocker sound...and honestly when I heard them and then looked up a video for the first time I was surprised that they were young. Haha!  I believe they've been band since the late 90s, but I only discovered them a few years ago.  This is one band I would love to see live!

 ---------------

I don't know if "Music Monday" is going be a weekly thing or not, but possibly.  I think I'm going to be playing around with the "blog schedule" and such in the next few weeks, so just bear with me please! 

{And also, if you see a post you particularly like, then tell me!}

Sweet Love

Today is Brian and I’s ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

Yes, we have “officially” been dating for one year! Man time flies! For those of you who have been with your mate for awhile, this may sound like no big deal,...or maybe it does? I feel like I will probably always remember that first one, right? In truth, this date, March 1st, isn’t a completely accurate record of our time together {haha}, but it’s close.

We met and had our first date on February 16 in this dippy Mexican restaurant in a town that was halfway between us. I remember thinking he looked cuter than in his picture {lol} and that he was shorter than I was expecting {double lol}. Later, I learned that he thought I had lied about my height - I had 3 inch heels on. Oh, I should probably mention that we met online {through match.com}. I used to be embarrassed about doing the online dating thing, but when you are a transplant to a very small and very clicky town, well there aren’t a lot of options. Besides, it’s impossible to feel any sort of shame for doing something that introduced me to Brian. :)

Our second date, he came up to my town and we had dinner and drinks at a local pub. We were having a wonderful time, getting along great, finding out we had so much in common...then when I was laughing at something he said I ended up spilling half my beer on him. Yeah. He handled it gracefully, but I was still insanely embarrassed. Even with the beer spilling, we stayed and talked for like 3 hours and he asked if he could see me again. I left this date knowing that I had found something special.

My mother always told me that when I met the right guy I would just know. She was right. Just in case I needed another sign, he sent me flowers at work the next day. :)

Happy Anniversary Brian!  I love you lots!

I look forward to us celebrating many more. <3

Love, Kassie

Style Log: Friends, Family & Green Dreams

{Skirt/Thrifted, Merona :: Sweater/Thrifted, Aeropostale :: Boots/Merona via Target :: Necklace/Modcloth :: Glasses/Warby Parker}

 

 

 

 

 

My grandparent's had their 55th wedding anniversary this past weekend, so we headed home for some friend and family time.  We haven't been back since Christmas {which, yes I know wasn't that long ago, but still...}, so it was really great to see everyone. 

As I get older, I've noticed my circle of friends has become smaller, but closer.  The people that really care about our friendship have put work into it, as have I.  While, some others have sort of slipped through the cracks.  I guess the ones that have slipped...well it's kind of sad, but at the same time that's just life.  Besides, it's really nice to know that the friendships I do have are incredibly solid and valued by both sides.  It's really comforting to know that there are people in your life that continue to love you through all the changes life brings.  I guess I'm just trying to say I feel pretty blessed lately. :)

Hope you all had a great weekend!

xo, Kassie

I have to be honest...I generally kind of suck at doing nails.  Mainly, because I'm super impatient and never wait for them to dry properly and then they get all smudged up. I'm also have the horrible habit of biting and picking at my nails.  TMI?  Well at least it's the appropriate day to personal...maybe?

Anyway, here's a little tutorial on my nails for this day of love!

Supplies: 

Clear base/top coat, pink &/or red polish, white nail art pen, file, clippers, buffer.

First do all your nail grooming.  I generally don't clip mine, because they're so short!  So I just file them and then smooth, buff and shine the tops.  Then I apply a nice base coat.  When using dark colors, like red, it's important to use a base coat!  Otherwise, it might stain your nails!

I painted mine nails pink and red alternating.  Then I did the opposite on the other hand.  So, my left thumb started with red, but my right thumb started with pink.  I saw a tip once that said paint your strong hand first {I'm right handed, so to pain my right hand first} and I find that it really does help!!

Now let your nails dry.  For a long time, make sure they are completely dry.  COMPLETELY!  Don't doubt me on this, because I didn't wait long enough and it caused denting and gooping problems!

Okay, now decorate your nails with your white nail pen.  Be sure your based coat is dry!!  Did I already say that? Joking, I know I did.  Seriously though, I think next time I may let them dry over night.

Once you get your heart designs on, let the white paint dry completely as well.  Then top it all off with a liberal top coat.  Voila!  Pretty Valentine's nails!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Friday Favorites: Zooey

I have a couple girl crushes, but my biggest on is on Zooey Deschanel.  I love this chick.  She's nerdy, funny, cute and has amazing style.  In my own little weird brain I'm convinced if we ever met she'd want to be my friend instantly.  Or at the very least, I think she might be polite enough to let me buy her a drink. :)

Source: fashiongonerogue.com via Kassie on Pinterest

**She's so pretty!**

Source: data.whicdn.com via Kassie on Pinterest

**And so goofy!**

Source: Uploaded by user via Kassie on Pinterest

**LOVE her style!**

Source: tumblr.com via Kassie on Pinterest

**For real, I need to dress like her more!**

Source: imgfave.com via Kassie on Pinterest

**So fun! I want a retro suit!**

Source: piccsy.com via Kassie on Pinterest

**I love this look!**

Source: imgfave.com via Kassie on Pinterest

**Gorgeous!**